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"Okay, okay, fine." Roger got out of the truck. "Throw it."
Goblin tossed the walkie-talkie over to him. It nearly bounced out of Roger's
hands, but he managed to keep a hold on it without looking like too much of an
idiot. Then he climbed into the back of the truck with me.
"Here, I'll handle her," he said, trading me the gun for the walkie-talkie.
He kept Witch propped up with the gun to her head.
"Helen?" I asked.
"Andrew! Are you okay? What happened?"
"Nothing, this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding. They actually
wanted to try to interest us in a multi-level marketing scheme, but they got
mixed up and tried to kill us instead."
"Andrew, don't joke."
"Sorry. I think we're okay now. What I need you to do is very carefully lead
the kids toward the road. Watch out though, because there are some booby traps
out there."
"Believe me, I know."
"How far are you from the road?"
"I'm not sure. Not too far, I hope."
"Let me know when you can see the road, but don't show yourself," I told her.
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you, too."
I extended the walkie-talkie toward Goblin, and then, on second thought, drew
it back. "Can I keep this for now?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
Charlie got out of the truck, apparently satisfied there wasn't going to be
any upcoming additional violence. "You're going to pay for what you did to my
store," Charlie shouted, pointing accusingly at Roger. "You don't just drive a
truck through a man's place of business and expect to get away with it! You'll
be cleaning up my place, and you'll be doing it without any fingers on your
hands, I promise you that!"
"Shut up, Charlie," said Troll.
"I don't have to shut up! That store is my livelihood! It's bad enough that
I've got you shoplifting all the damn time and I have to watch your unnatural
perversions, but now my store is ruined! Did you miss the truck breaking
through the wall? Did you see how much merchandise was damaged? You think I
get that stuff for free? You think some delivery guy just stops by and says
'Here you go, compliments of the house,'? You think I don't have bills to
pay?Debts to settle?Pets to feed?"
Goblin pointed his gun at Charlie's head. "Okay, I'mnot in the mood for you
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right now. Shut up."
"You shut up! You think what you're paying me to help you guys out is going
to cover the damage to my store? I'm tired of this! This is horseshit! Hell, I
probably won't even beable to get it fixed because you whack-jobs will kidnap
and murder the laborers! Screw you all!"
Troll took out his own gun. "Charlie, I highly recommend that you give your
mouth a rest."
"All of you! Screw you!"
Goblin and Troll both pulled their triggers at the same time. Goblin's bullet
hit him in the forehead, while Troll's struck him in the nose ... or maybe it
was the other way around. Either way, there wasn't much left of Charlie's head
as his body dropped to the ground.
"Shut ... the ... fuck ... up!"Goblin shouted, firing a bullet into Charlie's
lifeless body in between each word. "What the hell do I have to do to get you
to shut up?"
"That may have worked," Troll noted.
"Iknow the truck broke through his store! I saw it happen! We all have
problems today! Give me a break!" Goblin wiped some spittle off on his sleeve.
"I should've stayed in bed this morning."
Roger and I gaped at him.
"What are you looking at?" Goblin demanded.
I pressed the black button on the walkie-talkie. "Helen? Still try to be
careful of booby traps, but you might want to hurry."
Chapter Fourteen
"HOW'S YOUR FOOT?" I asked Samantha.
"Hurts," she said. "How's your hand?"
"Hurts."
"Sorry."
"Me, too."
I avoided turning around to look at her. Something about having my best
friend's well-endowed girlfriend sitting behind me wearing only a bra made me
a bit uncomfortable. It seemed odd that I was bruised, battered, cut, missing
a finger, covered in blood, and yet still unnerved by an awkward social
situation, but there you go.
At least I could still joke about it.
"So, she's wearing my pants and I'm wearing her blouse," I said, holding up
my wrapped hand to show Roger. "Not many best friends are as generous as you."
Roger chuckled. "Yeah, well, don't try cutting off another finger to see
more."
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I shrugged. "It might be worth it."
"Guys, I'm right here," said Samantha, amused.
I was keeping tight pressure on my hand and was pretty sure I wouldn't bleed
to death if we managed to resolve all of this unpleasantness soon.The idea
that I had my own finger in my pocket seriouslycreeped me out, so I tried not
to think about it.
"I know we're supposed to do a lot of macho posturing," said Roger, "but I'm
really glad you're not dead."
"Thanks. I'm glad you're not dead, too."
"Thanks."
"I do sort of wish Goblin and Troll were dead."
"That's understandable."
Goblin and Troll were sitting in their truck, looking generally unhappy.
"So how did you get the keys to the truck?" I asked.
"We didn't.Samantha hotwired it."
I turned around to glance at her through the rear windshield. "You know how
to hotwire a truck?"
She nodded."An important skill in the fashion business."
I turned back to Roger. "Wow. I'm impressed."
"Well, she's a pretty special lady," said Roger, giving me a look.
I wanted to saydon't give me that look , but I couldn't with Samantha around.
She really was a pretty special lady.
Suddenly, sitting in the back of a wrecked truck with one of my fingers newly
severed and Roger sitting next to me holding the gun to the head of an
unconscious psychopath, I realized why I didn't like Samantha.
It wasn't that she wasn't good enough for Roger. It was that she wasperfect
for him. I didn't dislike her. I was just scared she'd take Roger away from
me.
I was worried that instead of hanging out with me at the Java Joint on
Wednesday nights, Roger would be stuck at home, hanging up laundry and giving
foot massages.
I didn't have introspective moments very often (apart from those involving
television shows), so this was a rather amazing revelation.
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