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would have rushed forward, but Frost still held me tight. It was Rhys and
Nicca who reached his side first. Doyle managed to catch himself on one hand.
"Are you hurt, Captain?" Nicca asked.
Rhys was grinning. "That was a hell of a show."
I think Doyle tried to smile, but his arm began to tremble and slowly
collapse, until he lay on the carpet on his side. Strangely, along with his
clothes, the tie to his braid was gone, and that long plait of hair was
starting to unwind across the floor.
"Let go of me, Frost, now!"
"You want to go to him," he said, and there was such sorrow in his voice.
I looked up at him. "Yes, as I'd want to go to any of you who was hurt."
He shook his head. "No, Doyle is special to you."
I frowned up at him. "Yes, as you are."
He shook his head again. He leaned over, whispered against my face. "Since he
entered your bed, you have distanced yourself from me." He drew back and let
me go. I watched him pull himself upright until he was the tall, handsome
Frost. Imposing, impersonal, arrogant of face and bearing. But the look in his
grey eyes was hurt, angry.
I shook my head. "I do not have time for this."
He just looked away as if I weren't there.
I turned to the others. "Rhys, is he going to be all right?"
"Yeah, he's just tired. I think from that first change. He fought like a son
of a bitch."
Doyle's voice came tired but clear. "The less I fought, the easier it became."
"Good. Get him into the bed, so he can rest," I said, and turned back to
Frost. I looked at him while I
said, "Everybody out, except Doyle, Rhys, and Frost."
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They all looked at each other. "Just do it, guys. Now." I was tired, too. A
tired that went beyond the physical. And I'd had enough. Enough of my
beautiful Frost. I'd decided to resort to brutal honesty, because I'd tried
everything else.
There must have been something in my voice, because no one argued with me. How
refreshing.
When the door closed behind them and Rhys was helping Doyle into the bed, I
gave my full attention to
Frost. "Normally, I would do this in private, but none of you believes me,
most of the time, without one of the other guards to back me up. I don't want
any misunderstandings, Frost."
Frost gave me a very cold look. "I understand that Doyle will be in your bed
tonight."
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I shook my head. "Frost, it is not Doyle being in my bed that's made me pull
back from you. It's you who's made me pull back."
He looked away, as if he was at full attention but didn't see anything.
I slapped his chest, hard, because I couldn't reach his face. It startled him,
made him look at me, and for a moment I saw something real in those eyes
again, but only for a moment. Then he was all cold arrogance again.
"This pouting has got to stop."
He gave me cold eyes. "I do not pout."
"Yes, you do." I turned to the two men at the bed.
Rhys was tucking Doyle under the covers. He nodded. "You do pout."
Doyle lay heavily on the pillows, as if raising his head would have been an
effort. "You do, my old friend, you do."
"I don't know what you mean," Frost said, "any of you."
"Something hurts your feelings, you pout. You perceive that something
threatens your place in my affections, you pout. Things don't go your way in a
debate, you pout."
"I do not pout."
"You're pouting, right now, this very second."
He opened his mouth, closed it, and a moment of puzzlement showed through. "I
do not see this as pouting. Children pout, warriors do not."
"Then what do you call this?" I asked, hands on hips.
He seemed to think a moment, then said, "I merely react to what you do. If you
prefer Doyle to me, then there is nothing I can do. I have given you the best
of me, and it is not good enough."
"Love isn't just about sex, Frost. I need you not to do this."
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"Not to do what?" he asked.
"This" I poked a finger against his chest "this cold distant facade. I need
you to be real, yourself."
"You do not like me when I am myself."
"That's not true. I love you when you are yourself, but you have to stop
letting everything hurt your feelings. You have to stop pouting." I stepped
back enough so I could look up into his face without straining my neck. "I
spend so much energy worrying how you're going to take something. I don't have
the energy to spare to tiptoe around your feelings, Frost."
He moved away from the wall. "I understand."
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Leaving. That's what you want, isn't it?"
I turned to the two men. "Help me out here, please?"
"She doesn't want you to leave," Rhys said. "She loves you. She loves you more
than she loves me." He didn't sound hurt; it was more a statement of fact.
Since it was the truth, I didn't try to argue. "But every time you pull the
cold, arrogant act, Merry pulls away. When you pout, she pulls away."
"The cold arrogant act, as you put it, is what saved my sanity with the
queen."
"I am not the queen, Frost," I said. "I don't want a toy in my bed. I want a
king at my side. I need you to be a grownup." It should have been silly to
tell someone hundreds of years my senior to grow up, but it was necessary.
Sadly.
Doyle spoke from against the pillows, and his voice held the effort that
speech cost him. "If you could curb your emotions, she would love you and no
other. If you could but understand, there would be no contest."
I wasn't entirely sure of that, but saying so out loud would not help. So I
let it go.
"And what matters who she loves, if there is no child," Frost said.
"It seems to matter to you a great deal." Doyle closed his eyes and seemed
asleep.
Frost frowned. "I do not know how not to do this. It is a habit of centuries."
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"Let's do this," I said. "Every time you start to pout, I just tell you to
stop. You try to stop when it's brought to your attention."
"I don't know."
"Just try," I said, "that's all I'm asking. Just try."
A very solemn look passed over his face, then he nodded. "I will try. I still
do not agree that I pout, but I
will try not to do it."
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I hugged him. When I pulled away, he was smiling. "For that look in your eyes,
I would slay armies.
What is a little emotion, to that?"
Anyone who thought that slaying armies was easier than fixing your own
internal emotional mess hadn't had enough therapy. But I didn't say that out
loud, either.
CHAPTER 17
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